No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Randomize
