Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
