I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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