Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
