goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize