I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
