guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
