apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
