Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
