i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
