Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
