I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
