i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
