You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
