I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
