He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
