Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
