Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
