I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
