youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
