My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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