Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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