the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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