i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
