DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
