i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
