I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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