I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
