so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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