I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
