well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
