dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
