do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I need a beard to bite.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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