dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
