I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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