3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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