You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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