I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize