i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
