So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
