I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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