You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
NoShamevember. You game?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
