I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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