I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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