Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
