if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
