I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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