So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
