I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
