ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize