I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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