I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize