Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
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