no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize