You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
