i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
