I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize