I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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