as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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