This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize