Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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