Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
