My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
