you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
