i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
