I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
