i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
