How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
