I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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